Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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