I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
