Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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