she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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