i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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