Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize