It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
