When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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