There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize