I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
