I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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