dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
