Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
