Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish you could order shots online.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
