3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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