for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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