It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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