My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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