i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
