Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
