your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize