Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
