oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I understand Curling. That high.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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