She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You need Xanax blowdarts
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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