I am spending my child support on dildos
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
