Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
