Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
