Is it because I queefed?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
