I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
