i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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