Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
