Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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