I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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