Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
