Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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