She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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