jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize