i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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