Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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