he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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