Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Please, let me fuck your mom
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ladies don't puke and tell
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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