Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
