Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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