Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
