i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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