I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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