so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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