im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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