hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
