Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
