i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
