omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
