There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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