I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
