i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pants are for mortals
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize