were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
