you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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