youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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