So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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