What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize