sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
