drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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