What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
