He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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