it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
