this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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