Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
