I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
