He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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