i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
