Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just pee around me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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