I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
