sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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