if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
