You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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