Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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