I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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