I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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