3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize