Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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