Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
