Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize