this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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